Part 3: Happy Birthday to you. . .

If you've not gotten it yet, my husband has some pretty strong opinions. Actually opinion isn't really a strong enough word for what he has. They are more like credos that apply to any and everything. He has food credos. . .brand credos. . .behavioral credos. . .clothing credos. . .the list could go on and on. He has CONCRETE CREDOS regarding most things in his life. He doesn't really care if YOU follow his credos personally. . .but I, being his wife, am very aware of each and every one. For example, he will NOT under ANY circumstances eat margarine, or watch a movie with Jimmy Stewart in it, or wear a dress shirt that is not starched within an inch of it's life, or eat 7-Up jello salad. Of course, he won't lie to you, or cheat, or stab you in the back either, so his insistence on certain standards of decorum, quirky though they may be, pays off. Evidently this bent extends to ginger as well. And so the madness continues. . .

Tony wrote:

The thought of ginger (which I have never fully-embraced as an edible food, although I realize it is a necessary evil in some Asian meals) being used to cleanse the palate causes me to cringe. I strongly recommend raspberry sorbet, although the only place you can get it is in fancy dining establishments where they make it in-house. I think ginger is more suitable for cleansing clogged sewer pipes. As far as Bryan's statement of "try it you must," I stand by my instinct that the offending orange should not enter the mouth. HOWEVER, if you are going to gamble with your life, then I agree with Bryan that, by all means, you should videotape the event. I wonder if, in doing so, you might be tempted to over-react and ham it up for the camera, thus presenting a less-than-honest evaluation. Do you feel capable of being candid?

--Pappy

And so we waited. . .and waited. . .and waited. . .and we went on our own vacation. . .to a different state. . .and then the moment of truth arrived. . .

Richard wrote on July 10:

It is done.

I have attempted to gather my thoughts to create a meaningful and elaborate account of the events that took place when the Orange Moon Pie was consumed. However eloquent descriptive thoughts came and went through my mind like whispers one might hear when one is only in a half-sleep.

Did it really happen? It must have, the Moon Pie is gone, though no video exists that I am aware of. Sorry Tony and Bryan. Memories of the event only remain in a blur like an older actor that requires cheese-cloth over the camera lens to hide the ravages of age on his face, or like an overripe peach in a blender.

I remember, the texture was sound. The confection was assembled by good hands. However the taste eluded me. "What do you mean 'eluded you?' It was orange wasn't it?" I hear you say. Yes... eluded transitive verb.1 : to avoid adroitly : EVADE 2 : to escape the perception, understanding, or grasp of 3 : DEFY I simply could not identify what kind of orange flavor it was. It wasn't as simple as navel, mandarin, blood, clementine... It was an artificial flavor of course, but WHICH ONE?! My orange experiences were stretched to the limit. It wasn't Jolly Rancher, Tic-Tac, Dyna Mint, Tang, Fanta, Crush, Star-Burst, Life Saver, cough syrup/drop, Sunkist (soda), Push-Up, sherbet, Pop-Ice, Julius, Snow Cone, Slurpee, or Popsicle. Although I think it came closest to Popsicle. Close though it may have been, it still wasn't that option.

I don't know if it was the confusion factor but I was not dissatisfied by the overall experience. Loathe though it may be for Tony to hear, I will not put on airs to elicit a desired reaction from my audience. Despite this opinion I cannot envision myself buying one again as the experience was just too surreal. I know not where it would be placed on the CB(L)V Scale. It is the wind.

the horror... the horror...

-Arthur of Darkness

Tony's birthday is July 9. He does NOT like to be elsewhere on his birthday (see "Credo" section above) than the town and state of his birth--unless it's in Galveston which is pretty close and has a beach and is therefore tolerated. Each year for as long as he can remember, he has had a strawberry birthday cake. Given his penchant for particulars regarding foods, this is no ordinary mix-up-a-box-buy-a-tub-of-frosting cake. The first time I attempted to make the cake for him, I gathered three recipes and set to work. I had NO IDEA that homemade strawberry frosting--with real butter of course--WILL NOT HARDEN unless the strawberries are THOROUGHLY drained and the house is chilled to something WAY cooler than you can get in ANY southern house during the first week of July--and my parent's house doesn't have central air, so the project was doomed from the start. I think I used TWO WHOLE BAGS of powdered sugar trying to get the icing to thicken. The layers of cake slid around like socks on the kitchen floor. I have gotten good at the strawberry cake over the years, but I've never attempted another one at Momma and Daddy's house.

Guess where Tony had to spend his birthday this year?

With the strawberry cake fiasco of '92 and his birthday away from home issues. . .I decided to pull out all the stops and go for broke. . .it was a Moon Pie cake or bust! I envisioned several favorites and some of the new flavors all stacked together with one, lone banana double-decker atop the pile and a candle all lit and sparkling. What a surprise it would be!!!! Then, without the time to go looking for the elusive banana pie--much less the new ones--I hopped on the trusty internet. Moon Pie central can be found there. . .and I was all ready to order them up. . .then I happened to talk to my mother. I mentioned my idea and she was off like a shot scouring the Fred's and Dollar Generals and family-owned grocery stores of the town where she lives. She would call with a daily update of her "finds." I lost track after awhile. . .but when the final count was tallied, Tony ended up with 72 Moon Pies of various shapes, deckers, and flavors. See the wackiness below.

Tony wrote:

ORANGE MOON-PIE BE DARNED!!! Attached you will see my Louisiana-style birthday "pie" (presented by the Watts family) and my presents stacked behind it.There's plenty to share, so we need to get together soon! I just bought "Best in Show" today. Maybe we can watch it. Bryan, get on a plane and join us. Bring some barbecue, too.

--Pappy

Richard wrote:

Great Jumpin’ Jehosephat Man!

Guard that bounty with your life. I noticed you yourself have some of the "new fruit flavored" Moon Pies. We can call it a longitudinal study and you can make your own tests. Jes' b'ware the strawberry, me lad. Why don't you start suggesting some Fridays and Saturdays between now and the end of August and we'll see what we can do to get together. As a bonus, I believe Sam’s has a case of RC for $5.98 or so. This or Dr. Pepper will do (as per the Junk Food Junkie song of the 1970s, "Dr. Pepper and an 'ol Moon Pie!")

Report your own Moon Pie findings here.

-Dr. Slappy

Thus ends the tale of the Moon Pie. . .e-mails ceased as school and Moon Pie consumption began. It's taken awhile to knock a dent in the stash, but the children are now allowed chocolate only--though they prefer other treats. Tony shared the abundance with his buddies last weekend while crabbing the Texas Gulf Coast. A good time was had by all.

How can the attention given a pastry such as the Moon Pie take up three nights and three blog entries worth of time and space? Well, devotion, I suppose. . .devotion to one's preferences. . .devotion to the happiness of loved ones. . .devotion to the simple things like snacks and humor and conversation. A snack food with a decidedly southern twist now elevated to the stuff of legend by three Urban and one mid-western Eagle Scouts and the woman who most decidedly loves (at least one if not all 0f) them. Silly, really. But it's made me laugh. . .and I hope it's done the same for you.